"What the fuck was I thinking?"

- fuck was i, jenny owen youngs

Dear DICK.

Yes, I am calling you dick, because I don’t have the energy to think of you as an actual person who deserves a name.

You need to STOP IT.

You need to stop pretending to care about serious things going on in other peoples’ lives just to get into said peoples’ knickers. It’s not big. It’s not clever. It’s DICKish. People get hurt. People feel like retards for trusting you. People feel more vulnerable than ever.

But then you’re not a dick. Or you’re almost as good a liar as I am. And I’m a fucking good liar. So good that even I can’t tell when I’m telling the truth. You need to make your mind up. You need to stop being so self sacrificing. It makes me feel like I’m the bad one because you’ve been so good in admitting you’re the problem. You’re a manipulative, lying DICK.

So, like, I’m sitting here typing this and thinking… WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING? And it was my fault. I led you on. I was the one that was in the wrong. I should have just left you be. But no. I had to give a damn about you. Because I’m SUCH A GOOD PERSON. And I knew exactly what was going to happen. Just like every time.

And then you caught me off guard!

DICK.

I told you NO. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want to do it then. And so what do you do? You start. And I’m left and exposed and what you hear are the retarded thoughts that are the only things I’m thinking because I don’t really know what’s just happened. I haven’t actually registered what you did.

You made sure
I
Felt
Like
SHIT.

So now everything’s screwed up. Out of everyone, you were the one who was more than nothing. And then you say those things… and I don’t know if you mean them. But maybe you do because you don’t say them to me, so would you have a reason to lie?

“Let sleeping dogs lie?”

I’m fucking waking you up, DICK. I’m sick of the lies.

Love from… MENTAL PATIENT 1.

"I'm treasured like a piece of dirt"

- forgive me, ida maria

So I got that kiss back. At the worst time possible.

I've learnt my lesson the hard way. I despise how true the phrase "once a cheater always a cheater" applies so well to me.

I'm so very ill. I have a temperature and can barely breathe to save my life. Ironically.
I'm thinking of changing my mind. I can see where Wilma comes from. It's so hard to resist, especially when I do trust him that bit more than I ever have, apart from Joe and Jim. What happened to me happened a long time ago, but that doesn't make it any better. That doesn't mean it didn't have an impact on my life. It did. And as much as I wish someone could understand, they can't. I've experienced it and it hurts a bit when I realise that I am being selfish by letting them in this far and then showing them the mile high brick wall all of a sudden.

I need to sleep, but I need to prove myself first.

Is that ever going to happen?