"There's no comfort in the waiting room"

- death cab for cutie, what sarah said

I've got myself into a fucked up situation.
I don't know why I do this. I mean, I knew he had a girlfriend. I'm not worth it. He knows that now. But now... Everything is fucked up.
Do you believe the drunken words of brand new friends?
I've never had anyone want the best for me. So why would they start now?
He's beautiful in the dereliction of his soul. I don't want to fix him. He wouldn't be the same, and it's not my place. But WHY? All I want to know why he's like that? Why does he see everything as so fucked up? I'm fucked up beyond measure, and he seems so much worse. But is he? Or is he writing his novel, like me? And now he's lost the line between imagination and reality. He's become the fucked up protagonist. Because that can mess with absolutely anyone.
At least he can love. I can't even do that. I don't have anyone I love. Does that make me a cold hearted callous bitch? Yes. But I'm always wondering if there's anyone really worth loving. I've come to the conclusion that there isn't. Not any more.
I don't know what else to say.