"i'm not calling you a liar...

"... just don't lie to me"

- Florence + The Machine

I am in love with a boy. Nay, a man.

I have been raised a Muslim girl. I believe in God, but there are certain aspects of Islam that I feel are definitely cultural and not applicable to the times that we live in now. The Quraan says that Muslims and non-Muslims should not mix - hello persecution.

All those Muslims that say that one must stay with only Muslim company, are we ignoring the parts that talk about "The People of the Book" - i.e. Jews and Christians too... Are you saying Moses and Jesus don't belong in Heaven?

Anyway, the point of this post is not about discussing flaws in religion and its interpretation.

I am in love. The man I am in love with is not a Muslim. The Muslim boys I do know are, in a word, cunts. I'm sorry, but I refuse to subject myself to a life of misery with someone who doesn't respect me. OK, it's possible that the Muslim boys I know are the select few who are twunts, but they're what I've been exposed to, and if they're my only options for marriage, then I will gladly remain unmarried.

A common internal conflict with girls in this situation is upsetting your parents.

1. Don't tell them about him unless marriage is definitely on the cards. My parents aren't outwardly strict, but definitely hold some of their values. Don't be a douche and try to 'rebel' because it's only going to piss them off, and this wonderful boy that you're in love with will bear the brunt of the blame, because their daughter can't POSSIBLY have years worth of pent up frustration.
2. Remember, this is the person you want to have a family with. Your parents have raised you and they will always be your blood, but if you choose keeping them happy and living a life of depression that's not healthy
3. Make sure you're happy with this guy. Your parents may be pissed for a bit, so make sure that he is worth it.
4. I can't reiterate enough that this man will be your partner in LIFE. Your parents have raised you, but they will not be starting a family with you. You.... wait for it... ARE ALLOWED TO BE HAPPY.
5. You just have to jump through hoops to get there. It's difficult, but it'll be worth it in the end.

At least, I keep telling myself this hoping it will make everything easier. It will all be worth it in the end.

Also, remember to let the guy know from the outset that a relationship with you is going to be complicated.

I had a great talk with my guy when we were first seeing each other. I mean, it was easy because we'd been friends for near on a year at this point. I let him know that I couldn't live with him before marriage/engagement (my bro managed to pull that one over the rents, so I'll probably push for it too), and he couldn't meet my parents until we knew that this was it. He and I would become we. I've been with him over a year now and with all his friends getting engaged and married all over the place he felt comfortable enough to talk about how his timescale was. He said that he'd want to be seeing a girl for about 3 years when he proposes, and that he wants kids by the time he's 30. I want them by the time I'm 25 (I'll be just about to start my residency so it's the perfect time to take time out to have kids). It was his way of saying that right now, if I stick around, I'm his girl. I'm the one that will mean everything goes to plan. Scary, but in a good way. I love this guy and I'm willing to risk it for a chocolate biscuit.

Basically, if my parents don't approve solely on the fact he is not Muslim, then that is not a reason I can agree with. The would have a plethora of broken hearts on their hands. It wouldn't be a good move for them.

So the last thing I'm saying in this post is - expect everything. Your parents may be a lot stricter than you expect, and you need to clarify EVERYTHING in your head before you approach them with this relationship.

Happy loving.

x